Bad Men

The Bountiful Scrotal Sac of Blibdilploop

Ratfink’s reservations of Kash being a doppelganger were somewhat assuaged when the mage whipped up a portal ritual in the usual expedient fashion (no other known mages in the realm had mastered portal creation to the level of Kashival). The group stepped through and found themselves in one of the more vast underground caverns of the Droaam Underdark.

The cavern chamber was enormous, if not for the covering of stalactites above one would think they were outdoors on a moonless night. An enormous subterranean lake stretched outward as far as the eye could see, illuminated at its edges, and on the occaisonal stalagmite island, were pale growths of fungi that emanated a dull purple glow. At the lake’s edge closest to where the party emerged from the portal was a cliff face going up from the lake to the sky top of the chamber – etched into the side of the cliff was an gargantuan sculpture, embedded and crafted into the cavern side (ala the scale of Mount Rushmore), the figure was that of a bloated, frog-like denizen – a kuo-toa, but more, their god Blibdilploop. At the huge head atop, it appeared ants were filing around two enormous eyehole openings, and the mouth – these “ants” were the forms of thousands of kuo-toa shuffling in and out of the head orifices of the giant statuary. The collective knowledge of the team had heard that the strange practices of the kuo-toa led the bizarre creatures to create temples in the form of their god – effigies of Blibdilploop. At this size and scale this was likely a whole kuo-toa city/temple, created as a monument to their foul god. As everyone looked on, more”ants” were seen scattered amongst the body/cliff wall, servant slaves of kuo-toa and other loathesome denizens of the Underdark toiling away chipping, polishing, and tending to the enormous statue (and whipped by their kuo-toa masters when dawdling…). The monument was crafted to include the full anantomy of the thing, head, torso, arms, legs, and the dangly parts. An enormous caninie like dong poked out from under the corpulent belly of the thing, and from the tip a constant drizzle leaked out like a sewerage pipe/waterfall expelling liquidifed and chuncky exrement – periodically a slurm of coagelent spooge errupted, making sloppy wet splurt sounds as it vomited out into the fetid pool below (which leaked into the lake…).

Ratfink had already formed into his giant toad and re-conned the site, finding the monument to be eerily anatomically correct (even finding under the squatted form a cavern passing under the taint and seeing a sphincter-like chocolate starfish opening right where it would be expected to be located). Ratfink also sized up the nuts of the thing, seeing the right nut to be shriveled in comparison to the more than bloated left. Interestingly, the nether regions seemed to be quite less gaurded (though also seemed to serve the same purpose to expel waste, were poorly maintained, and likely were infested with diseases, at the very least an otyugh was likely nestled in a fat fold hidden behind some fungus growing like wart pubes…). And again, either genius or questionably retarded logic, Ratfink convinced the party to enter through the pee hole.

Gauging the periodic release of the dong, the Mul believed he had the timing sequence down. The party stealthed up getting past the occaisonal kuo-toa janitor and zealot whip marauding party (Kash went invisible and again triggered Ratfink’s doppelgagner paranoia…), the team then piled in the peeper after a highly pungent deluge of offal was discharged, and proceeded upwards. The tube was large enough for the party to make its way, though the path was not clear – fluid, sperm-like tadpoles, and icky goo rushed around the group. Taking a few mouthfuls of the stuff the party trudged forward, found a bypass tube leading away from a seminal vesicle, and avoided being swept away from the next icky money shot.

Kash honed in on magical emanations, and gauged that the Torpal Portal would be located in approximately the location of the shrunken right nut. The entire inside of the chamber was odd – the cavern walkways were buffed down, often covered in slime, and even felt spongy or meaty in some parts. The party found their way to the inner lining of the shrunken scroat to see a gathering of kuo-toa in the chamber, slip sliding around the vacant chamber – save that a portal-like rift appeared as a tear in reality at the chamber’s center. The portal appeared broken, changing the display on the other side from a starry vastness, shifting to swirlings mists, shifting to a sea of fish-like things floating by, and ever shifting again… The party engaged the kuo-toa, rapidly taking out the leaderlike shaman one, and dispatching the rest of bobbling foolish fish people. During the melee, slimy harpooners attempted to skewer the party and then drag them through the Torpal Portal (but no luck, darn!). Clearing the room Kash was sure he could stabilze the portal long enough for the party to jump through (after some study he found that the city was traveling between dimensions on a set, loop path, the portal itself could end up dropping users who stepped through into any spot the city was currently traveling past, but after a set sequence, the city would return close to the point of the Torpal Portal and one could gain entry). Before commencing the rital, Scotty piped up and suggested the party stop by the “lower intestines”.

[at this point, the DM gave away the handout, so Scotty will have to fill folks in on the details of the letter – though I do believe he showed it to most of the party… of course, Graath was burning and falling to his death before he could peruse the note]

The intent in going to the lower intestines was to meet with Sophet Drahas, who was trying to recruit the party to betray Powerhand and to join Sophet’s endeavor to ascend to the Silver Concordian seat. After some odd powerborkering in which Grouhl was able to contractually gain ownership of Ratfink’s brain upon said Mul’s death, and some strange discussions on loyalty and “negotiation” for a group of evil players, the group held off on entering the Torpal Portal and headed off for a meeting in the lower intestines…

Stealthed again the party slid past some ambling fish-men, and making it to the approximate location of the lower intestine (the party looked at the exposed anatomy of Grouhl as a guideline, and relied on the necromantic studies of Kash to approximate their direction sense) a slurmy voice entered folks minds (telepathy, bee-atches!). Sophet Drahas was awaiting the party and was set to seal the deal that they join his cause and ditch the grumbling Powerhand.

The party’s response was, well, let’s say . . . mixed. A few folks wanted to see the form of Drahas, and from the darkness slithered forward an aboleth (flanked by several wavering, super slimy kuo-toa, and likely some other bi-peds as well). As the team sized up the creature, Ratfink charged into combat…

Everybody roll initiative (that will be my opening line on August 11).


For the record, Ratfink only wanted to see the form of Drahas so he could line up his charge attack. “My loyalties aren’t for sale, and how can I fight alongside anyone who has proven that they will change allegiance at the drop of a hat? You know the lowest level of hell is reserved for traitors and betrayers.”


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